Sticker Chart!

Today's post is a public apology to my littlest sister, M, for all the helpful parenting suggestions I gave her back when she became a mom first. As a big sister AND a veteran babysitter/camp-counselor turned grad student, I assumed the ability to change a diaper one-handed while naming all eight of Erikson’s developmental stages equaled Knowing Something Useful About Parenting. I cringe whenever I remember telling her something stupid like “he needs a consistent routine” or "use a sticker chart!” I bet her personal favorite was this little gem: “Just tell him NO.” Ha! I’m lucky she was too tired back then to drive to Seattle and smack me.

Me and M. She forgave me.

Don't worry, though, M, it’s all come back to bite me in the backside. My kid doesn't give a hoot about routines, and the last time I tried to use a chart he promptly took a red Sharpie and turned it into a graphic representation of a bloody and "epic" Alien vs. Predator battle to the death. As for “just say no,” anyone who’s been a parent more than five minutes knows that this is rarely as easy as it sounds.  It makes me giggle a little bit even now, thinking about it: Just tell them “no.” Right. THAT’LL WORK!! Cue hysterical laughter.

My coolio nephew who turns 18 this summer and whose mom wisely ignored
all my parenting advice. 

Bottom line? Parenting is HARD EFFING WORK, in ways you just can’t really imagine until you’re doing it all day, every day, 24/7. Step- and single-parenting, parenting multiples, parenting kids with special needs or illnesses carry additional challenges that are hard to understand unless you’re living with them. You don’t get to go home after this babysitting gig, and last time I checked there were no graduate courses on How to Get Your Six Year-Old to Keep His Pants On in Public. 

M's daughter and my son The Destroyer of Sticker Charts.
(He's wearing pants in this pic I SWEAR!!)

So, on behalf of M, who was too sleep-deprived to tell me to shove it, I say to my younger, know-it-all, pre-mama self: "If you are not a parent, or a professional kid-ologist of some kind, consider -- just consider -- that you might not fully understand what we're going through, or know how to solve our kid-related problems (e.g., public not-wearing of pants). Then maybe just keep quiet. And refill the coffee."